Title: I'm done healing.
Rating: PG-13.
Pairing(s): Reno/Gabryelle.
Summary: No matter what, you're gonna break my shell // I'm done healing
Disclaimer: Gabryelle and her story are mine, while Reno is Square Enix's and the lyrics are Flyleaf's.
Word Count: 1595.
Notes: This a song fic, in which I used the song I'm Sorry by Flyleaf. The lyrics fit Gabryelle and Reno's relationship so well, I think. And I love the song. Um, I was listening to it a while ago, and I wanted to write something about Gabryelle, so I just, started writing whatever came to my mind after I read each line. So, yes, this happened. I like it. :] It's from Gabryelle's point of view. Also, some of the things in this story do not happen. Yes, Gabryelle needs Reno, and loves him, but they have a brother/sister relationship I like to tell myself....


I’m sorry, I don’t mean to remember

No, I don’t really mean to. I just can’t help it, you know? Christian, if only I could’ve… But, no, you don’t like hearing me blame myself, do you? I’m sorry. I’ll try not to bring it up anymore.

It’s true that I dream less often

And it is. I’ve slowly stopped having those nightmares that involved you being hurt so badly. I still dream, of course, but I’ve started dreaming of other things. Happier times with you. I really wish we’d had more time together, though.

I’m not ashamed of that long December

Why would I be? I avenged your death, then. He’d deserved death for everything he’d done to us. Deserved more when he killed you, but what more could I give him? I could only strike fear in him in his last moments, and then grin at him as life slowly left his eyes. I hope he’s suffering wherever he ended up…

Your hand’s coming down again

No! No, no, you can’t hurt me anymore. You’re dead! You’re gone, forever from my life. No, leave me alone! No, please… Not Christian…

I close my eyes and brace myself

I did so every time you’d walk into the room. I hated that I was so afraid of you. You were nothing but a perverse man who got off by hurting children. I should’ve killed you before it got as bad as it did. I could’ve, you know. That would’ve saved Christian’s life, but I was too scared.

I only noticed your face

It haunts me every time I close my eyes. I hate when it blocks out every other thought in my head. It hasn’t been there lately, but it still appears when I least expect it to. And every time I see it, my hand closes into a fist as if I’m holding onto my sword and I’m about to cut your head off again.

No matter what, you’re gonna build my shell
No matter what, you’re gonna build my shell

I hide away inside my mind so that I can’t ever be hurt again. I show contempt to every person I meet to let them know that I shall never be close to them. I never let out my emotions when I’m around other people. I can’t. I can’t let myself fall for someone, since pain is always inevitable.

I’m falling, I’m shedding my skin

The day I’d met him, I had no idea what to expect. He’d come into my apartment to take me away, and all I’d done was threaten to hurt him. He has such a cocky attitude, and I think that’s what attracted me to him. Maybe he would be the one I could trust my life with. Maybe…

But it’s not time, I’m told

The night he’d told me that it was okay to tell other people about my feelings, I’d dreamed about Christian. But the dream had been so different from the others I’d had after he’d died. He’d told me that it wasn’t time yet for me to trust people, but that time was approaching. I’d believed him.

I am aware of what you mean by then

I’d told Reno everything about my life; everything, up to where I killed my father. I couldn’t have told him about me wanting to trust him with my life, because what if he hated me for what I’d done? What if he hurt me right then and there, not wanting to have anything to do with me? But he’d just told me that I had to stop blaming myself for my brother’s death; it hadn’t been my fault at all. It took a while, but when those words sank in, I’d realized he’d been speaking the truth. Christian wouldn’t have wanted me to suffer after avenging his death…

I’m only ten years old

Those words hurt me when Reno uttered them when telling me about how his sister had died. He and his sister had been walking home from the park when an older man came out of nowhere. The man had smashed Reno’s head into a brick wall before he’d raped and killed his sister right in front of him. When he’d turned on Reno to do the same, he’d kicked out at the man with all he had, and then he’d punched every part of him he could get at and yelled those five words.

All I could do after he told me the story was wrap my arms around him and rock both of us back and forth. That was the first time I’d ever seen him cry. It had broken my heart to see him so hurt when I’d always envisioned him as being so aloof and ignorant of all the pain in the world.

Close my eyes and brace myself

That was all I could do when I’d been sent on a mission that was too much for me. The man I was supposed to kill reminded me too much of my father, so when he’d ran at me when my bullet missed, all I could do was curl into a ball and await the pain.

Only noticed your face

As I was awaiting the pain, during that mission, the only thing I could think of was Reno. His name became a mantra as the man’s running footsteps got closer and closer to me. And when the pain never came, and I heard the man screaming, I’d looked up to see Reno kicking the man who was laying on the ground, clutching at his stomach.

In that moment, I knew that I could always count on him to protect me. And I also knew that I was slowly falling in love with him.

No matter what, you’re gonna build my shell
No matter what, you’re gonna build my shell

But then I’d gotten another glimpse of the man’s face, and I’d closed my eyes and threw up a wall between myself and any thought I could have of love. The last person I had loved had been killed; I couldn’t afford to love, if I was going to suffer through pain again.

My scars are yours today

I’d woken up the night after that horrid mission to Reno singing softly to me. I hadn’t opened my eyes after waking, so he thought I was still asleep. He continued to sing for what seemed like forever. I didn’t even know what song it was, and he couldn’t carry a tune at all, but his voice still sounded so sweet to my ears.

This story ends so good

After he finished the song, he’d tightened his hold on me and murmured to me that it was going to be alright. He was there, so everything had to be alright. He wouldn’t let anyone ever hurt me again.

I love you and I understand
That you stood where I stood

The first time I’d told him I loved him, we’d been sitting in his apartment, just talking. He’d said something about his sister, and I’d said something about my brother, and then I’d changed the subject by telling him those three simple words. He’d blinked at me, then grinned. He’d said the words back, and I’d laughed as he tackled me into the couch cushions and tickled me.

Close my eyes and brace myself

The first time we’d had sex, I was scared. I wasn’t really scared of the idea of it, since I knew he’d be careful with me, but I was scared of the pain. He’d protected me from so much that pain wasn’t a constant in my life anymore. I’d forgotten what it felt like, so I was scared…

Only noticed your face

But then, I’d looked up into his eyes, and I hadn’t been scared anymore. He wouldn’t have let me be in pain for long, if whatever he did did indeed hurt. And it hadn’t. Well, not as much as I thought it would.

No matter what, you’re gonna break my shell
No matter what, you’re gonna break my shell

I’d slowly stopped thinking about my past. I told Reno everything about my life, and he’d told me everything about his. Getting everything out felt wonderful; I didn’t have the weight of the world on my shoulders anymore. And that helped me to stop thinking so much about all the pain I’d ever had to endure. I stopped hiding away from everything, and started to live.

I’m done healing
I’m done healing

Whenever I think back on my past now, all I see his Christian’s smiling face whenever we’d been alone together, playing and talking about the wonders of the world we lived in. When I thought of my father, I suffered a dull pain, but I didn’t think about him all that much. And I never thought of my mother, because I had never really thought about her all that much. She’d just always been there, not doing anything.

And whenever I think back on that night when I’d first met Reno, I laughed. I could’ve killed him right then and there, I’m sure, but I hadn’t. I’m so glad he hadn’t come alone then, or maybe I would’ve. I’m so glad I didn’t, though. I needed him, and if someone had told me then that I would, I would’ve killed them. Me, need a goofball like him? Yeah right. But, I did. And I’m so glad I met him. I don’t know where my life would’ve gone if I’d never had.